Worry, do you do it? Of course you do, we all worry but there are some people that overload and find it difficult to cope. This is the stage where worry becomes anxiety and the mind is overwhelmed with thoughts that most of us can/cannot. cope with on different levels. What am I doing today? What’s for dinner? Will they eat it? Have I money to buy it? Will there be many people down the town when I go out? Will I meet someone? Should I stay in and get takeaway? The kids love takeaways, but it’s not really healthy, will they get sick? Is the dinner really nice or are you just saying that to please me? Confident? Of course I am, well not really, well no then not at all.
When the eyes open in the morning, the worry begins. Will I have time to do this task, it’s a menial one yet it seems monumental. Panic sets in, some jobs are half done, others not done at all. What about the washing? Will it rain? The clothes will be ruined and I will have to wash them again. Now I am tense and angry. I did not sleep well last night; I was worried so how could I? I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in years!!
My little one needs changing, but I have lots to do, where is the time? I am manic at this stage of the day and I have not even had my coffee. I am inefficient and a poor parent. Will they be better off without me? Oh Christ, life is tough. Is it like this for others or is it just me? This is what life is like for me some days and this is a good day. Here is what I consider a bad day…..
I don’t get up at all; the blackness prevents me from doing so. It’s because I did not sleep well, I worried too much about today last night. I will get things done tomorrow, the laundry can wait. It’s safer under the duvet; no one can see me here. Why are they staring at me when I go out? I won’t go out, that’s the answer!! I found it, it’s a Eureka moment. I will feel better if I lock myself in, away from others who might see that I am sick. I am an unsocialite! Is that a word? Can I use it? I will do it anyway as I am sure someone will critique it.
The only thing being fed here properly is my anxiety; the menu is above clear to see. I therefore seek professional help when it gets too much to bear. Although I am not an advocate of medication I can see its importance in the short/medium term. We must have an honest outlook of our problems and ask those we feel can offer the best advice; it’s unusual to be able to defeat these feelings on your own.
When help arrives in the shape of a Doctor or psychologist/professional, do not fear the labelling system and language that they use, labels often confuse and /or destroy the peace of mind that we are always seeking. Get to know that language, learn how to speak it. It is wise to educate yourself fully about your condition and the fact that it may re- occur. I feel that it is only then that the real magic occurs, the self- awareness needed for you to step up and be able to relate your story to others in order to help them cope better and build resilience. We have got to know our enemy. More of us need to do this if we are to help remove stigma, it is our duty I feel.
PEN RELIEF 