This piece was written about a time in my life when all hope of life was lost.
I was desperate to end the suffering that so blackened my life and only saw one way out.
A silhouetted figure sits upon a rock overlooking the ocean. Gazing effortlessly at the waves lapping the shoreline as the water pushes in and rushes back out.
Her long blonde hair flowing in the wind, her life to many an onlooker seemingly tranquil and calm.
What lies beneath is a minefield of pain and anguish that no man can see.
Torture and torment of being cast into a section of the world that she just doesn’t belong & facing the daunting changes that will only make her more of an outcast.
It cannot be classed as life but more a prison sentence of eternity with the only liberation by means of drink and drugs.
That brief spell where she can be free of all problems and free from her own mind takes her off into this world of thinking why?
She gazes into this ocean for hours a time in the thinking that one day her dreams can become reality and her life can be complete.
Yet over and over like the continuous waves, her life takes turns of highs and lows but seems more like a vessel stricken upon the sandbanks, just sat there hopelessly waiting for the tide to once again rise enough to float once more.
Hopeless & desperate, she thinks of a plan to put her suffering to an end once and for all.
Her empty gaze brings tell that this might be the last time she sees this tranquil sight as once more the attempts to rid herself of this world start to take effect.
Suddenly everything becomes a haze, a blurred flash of life as the winds pick up and the storms start raging.
Then as quick as it started the light dims and she finds herself in a place of unfamiliar surroundings. For this lass, as desperate as she was has been brought to the safety and security of a passing stranger who saved her from this raging storm.
Facing the world of blackness alone is impossible but with the support of a listening ear is far easier.
Talking, listening and being prepared to learn are the key factors.
With time comes acceptance, honesty & recovery.
Today I can return to my rock safe in the knowledge that I can look upon the ocean in a different mindset to where I was.
Life is far from perfect and far from complete but my journey continues without the fear and insecurity I once had.
Time is a healer and to say getting this far was not the easiest of things but was worth every painful step.
Even though today sees its share of ups and downs I know that I am not alone anymore in my plight.
For life is a journey meant to be enjoyed but endured by so many.