I haven’t been able to listen to one of my favourite songs for a while… “Heal” by Tom Odell. When I listened to this song over the past couple of weeks, I would turn it off half way through, because it would make me feel sad and I would start to cry… Probably because of its lyrics and everything that has happened to me over the past couple of months! I met with someone today, who I haven’t known for a very long, for a cuppa and a chat in a cafe.
Genuinely, I wasn’t expecting much, and I certainly wasn’t expecting to feel as great as I am feeling now. Definitely one of my best days in a long long time, and it’s because I spoke with someone who I felt I could trust and in some way, relate to…talking about things I didn’t even realise were going on for me, talking about things that had built up inside of me since finding out about my cancer last April at the age of 24, talking about how it all began, how angry I felt about my misdiagnosis, how robbed I felt because I now cannot have my own children and how confused I felt, being faced with decisions about taking medication that could make my life a little better but could also potentially be seriously harmful to my body. Most importantly, we spoke about how important it was for me to talk, to get my feelings and what was going on for me out there. I guess, trying to not think about Cancer and it’s repercussions, wasn’t doing me any favours, it’s facing up to it and dealing with life now it what I have to do to make sure I get the best from life.
I came home today and listened to “Heal” and felt happy.

Thanks to Pen Relief for listening


How it works

I have found that talking about issues that bother people can be daunting to some, which inevitably leads them not to seek help at all. This can have a detrimental effect on their health. This is why I came up with this idea.
Pen Relief allows anybody to write, anonymously if chosen, about any issue that may be bothering them. You can ask for help, seek advice or simply write to me. If you write then you have two options, one is to get an e mail back or the second is to post it on our page where several people may wish to advise you.
All comments and posts are moderated by me and will not be posted without your permission.
Try it, it may be an asset to you.

Depression makes me do this!

Depression is the bane of my life. I am constantly looking at ways to defeat it once and for all. I am a person who will try menus from all over the world, I admit I have eaten some strange concoctions and parts of animals I will not talk about on here, and I compare this to the different supports I have sought in my long battle.

Counselling does help, but you have to have a good relationship with your counsellor, in my opinion, for this. The fella who kept snorting and sniffling across from me was of no great help to me, in fact he only helped me form a barrier against certain other counsellors. The pretty woman counsellor was a major distraction to me and at one stage I asked her out on a date. She declined.

Medication also helps, to a degree. I have been on meds that put me in a coma, of sorts, for days. This helped as it took my mind off my problems for the period, but they also took my mind off every other thing too.

Psychotherapy was a great help at times but it costs money, like all interventions, so I could not afford to keep it up.

Mediation, I find, is difficult as my mind races a lot.

Writing it down is a major help as it costs little, time only, you can do it when you like, 2a.m. is a good time for me as sleep fails me again. The feedback I get from it, from strangers mostly makes me feel as if I too am having a positive effect on others. It’s nice to know that I am not alone at 2a.m.!

Pen Relief I will visit again as I have a lot to get off my chest. Congrats on a great initiative.Image